October 15

October 15th was Pregnancy and Infant Loss Remembrance Day.  I never knew that before this year.  Losing a baby leaves you searching for answers and comfort, and while there aren't answers, there is comfort to be found in friends and family, and especially in others that have experienced the same loss you have.  They are able to tell you what life will look like down the road, when the pain isn't as fresh- they give you hope.

We were extremely busy this past Saturday, and while I had every intention of lighting a candle from 7-8pm in remembrance, somehow it was already 7:40 before I looked at a clock.  Instead of lighting a candle, Husband and I just held each other and talked about what might have been, and also about what is to come.

The truth is, I remember every day.  Not with the same intensity I did at first, sometimes it's just a passing thought about where I would have been in pregnancy compared to where I am now.  I think about what we'll tell this new little one about their older brother or sister that we never got to meet.  I wonder if they would have been a boy or girl, and if we would have made the same choices we're making for this baby. 

I'll always remember.